Divorce is a big step and often people lack the courage to go forward. This is quite normal and as attorneys and counselors at law we fully acknowledge that fact. We never encourage people to divorce but we always encourage people to find their courage. 

 

I am reminded of a client that had been married 50 years and lived in absolute poverty. She had to take in wash and sell farm eggs just to have any money. She endured decades of actual physical abuse and emotional abuse. Her husband was a “poor broke” farmer and they scrimped by in a hardscrabble lifestyle. Their children were the poor kids at school.

 

After 50 years she could not take the physical abuse and left with little money and a little hope and great anxiety.

 

When the divorce was final she walked away from the “poor” farmer with monthly maintenance and over ONE MILLION dollars in liquid assets. Her husband hid all the wealth from her and used her as a maid for 5 decades. At the end of her case her tears were a mixture of joy for a new life and grief over a life lost.

 

 

ESSENTIAL QUESTIONS

 

Do I believe I have been a "push over" at times in my marriage?

 

Will I give up everything just to get my children?

 

What standard of living do I want five years from now?

 

What is my personal plan for getting there?

 

What are the top three things I must get out of this divorce to feel good about myself?

 

Do I need to upgrade or change my job skills?

 

Do I feel guilty for some behavior during the marriage?

 

Is this guilt affecting the way I think about divorce?

 

Have I talked to co-workers, family or friends about divorce?

 

Have their thoughts affected my thoughts-do I know what I want?

 

On a scale from a low of one to a high of ten how much do I love my spouse?

 

What is the number one complaint my spouse would make against me?

 

Is your spouse an excellent, superior, average, or poor parent?

 

What behaviors make your spouse excellent...etc.?

 

What spousal behaviors do I hate?

 

If I was granted a wish to have a perfect day what would that entail?

 

Please take some time to ponder these simple questions and write down your answers. When we meet it will have a profound effect on the chart we plan for your situation. Please use extreme caution as any thing your write can be found and used against you. If you do not have a safe way to answer these questions in writing please do not do so.